Best Relationship
by Janey57
Summary: Will has a homework assignment requiring he write about his healthiest relationship. Who knew homework could be so fun? - Author note: I'm still pretty new to fan fiction and I just want to say thanks for all the encouragement. It means a lot! Who knew fan fiction could be so fun? Oh - and of course, I own nothing of DOOL or it's characters. Sadly for me.
1. Chapter 1

_It's not all about the sex, you know. Actually, it's __**never**__ about sex, though it __**is**__ sometimes about making love, and sometimes it's about fucking, and it's always about intense physical and emotional connections that no one ever told me could be a part of what it means to be human…_

Will looked at the words he had written, blushing even though he was the only one reading them (yet). He thought about scrapping paper and starting over, thought for the twentieth time about dropping the course altogether. "**Relationships in Human Development**" – what had he been thinking, signing up for this class? Was it not obvious that no good could come of unlocking his experiences of childhood and adolescence and relationships from the shelter of his subconscious?

Yet here he was, half-way through a course that demanded not only that he reflect on his relationships with others, but also that he share those reflections, with his teacher and with his classmates. Through writing. On a piece of paper. That others would then _read_.

It was mortifying.

Last week's assignment, on the role of maternal bonding in establishing healthy trust relationships, had reduced him to tears. This week, though, the assignment was less vexing: students were to write about what they considered the healthiest relationship each was in – with a family member, or a friend, or a partner. Even a pet.

It was a no-brainer, of course. Will was writing about Sonny.

Sharing the details of his relationship was tough – there were things he didn't like to think about, fears that he struggled to subdue, reactions that struck him as not-quite-normal. His perennial mantra – "I am such an idiot" – was one that Sonny was working on weaning him of, but he still failed to see why someone so wonderful – so balanced, so thoughtful, so loving, so _sane_ – would want him for a partner.

But Sonny could take it, could handle all the insecurities and overreactions and neediness. Not just that: somehow, by some miracle that Will knew he would never understand, Sonny managed not only to _tolerate_ all of his flaws but to actually frame them as _attributes_. Will knew Sonny found his over-eagerness adorable, saw his vulnerability as strength. It made no sense, so at some point he stopped trying to make sense of it. He just appreciated it, helplessly but powerfully.

Will knew he could thank the fates every minute of every day for bringing them together and he'd still owe the universe gratitude.

Will stared at the screem, tried to think on his own framing with this paper. In some ways, he suddenly grasped, this assignment was not as hard as some of the others. In fact, if he approached it right, it could actually be kinda fun. An assignment that compelled him to think about Sonny, to indulge those images that were always on his mind _anyway_? The thing could write itself, really…. But where to start? How to organize the many, many moments, some involved, some fleeting, that served to ground their relationship and help it flourish?

Will decided to approach the assignment systematically, using a "day in the life" schema. It made a certain sense: each day was, after all, one of the days of our lives. He took a deep breath, started typing:

_I wake up every morning with Sonny's warmth on my skin. Usually his arm is wrapped around my body, though sometimes it's on my neck or my leg or my butt. _(Note to classmates and Professor Smith: You asked for total honesty and openness in this assignment, so this is me trying…blushing, but trying)._ On those rare days that Sonny is not in our bed, I can hear him in the shower, singing off-key, or rattling around the kitchen, making coffee or breakfast for us. On those very, very rare days when I wake up and he's gone, he always leaves me a note on his pillow, apologizing and explaining. And he always, always writes "I love you."_

_Our mornings are perfect in their simplicity. We eat, we clean up, we stand side-by-side at the sink when we brush our teeth. As we get dressed, we discuss what our day will look like, where each of us will be and what we plan to accomplish. _

_Sonny owns a coffee shop in town, so that is where I often go after classes to do my homework and to study. One of my favorite moments every day is when I walk through the doors of Sonny's shop and first meet his eyes. The huge smile that greets me, the happiness that seems to radiate from him when he sees me – it takes my breath away. It's the most beautiful thing I can imagine. I would wish this for everyone: can you imagine how much better and happier the world would be if we could all glory in such a smile? _

_Sonny probably doesn't even realize how often he touches me, casually but habitually. When he brings me coffee, he'll kiss my cheek, or rest his hand on my shoulder. When he brings me a refill, he ruffles my hair, or puts his warm hand on my neck. Here's what I understand when I think about these gestures: that he has faith in me as a student, that he wants me to achieve academically, and that he does what he can to facilitate my learning. How awseome is that?_

Will took a break from writing for a moment, caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror near his desk. He was grinning like an idiot (or, as Sonny would say, just grinning). This was definitely a fun assignment after all.

_Sonny is so much more adventurous than I am – he's traveled the world, he loves to try new things. I tend to be more comfortable with what I already know, but Sonny and I both recognize that my approach to life puts me at risk of missing opportunities. So Sonny is constantly introducing me to things just outside of my comfort zone, compelling me to try new things. Yak Butter Tea. Rock Climbing. Ice Skating. Two-Stepping. All of these things have made my life richer, and all of them were initiated by Sonny. _

_Nights with Sonny – in this, I worry you'll think we're boring. We watch movies, order pizza, see shows, hang out with family and friends. Doesn't sound overly exciting, does it? What you can't know, though, is the incredible depth of fulfillment these activities bring me when I do them with Sonny. It's all the little things – the way he touches my lower back I walk through a door ahead of him, the way he tips his head back into my hand when my fingers are in his hair, the way he always leans forward for one more little kiss after we've already locked lips – these are the things that make me feel so cherished. _

Will stopped for a second, took a deep breath. Laughed at himself for feeling a little teary. He sniffed, went back to typing:

_As I noted earlier, I'm not going to write too much about the sex (ok, yes, we call it lovemaking, laugh at me if you must), but I do want to acknowledge what being physically connected to Sonny as meant to me. People tell me I am good looking and I suppose I believe them, but the lust with which Sonny sometimes ogles me is beyond dispute. I can make him hard just by pursing my lips a bit and wiggling my eyebrows at him, and I can't begin tell you how incredibly powerful that makes me feel. Sonny makes me feel stronger than I have ever felt in my entire life, and, for the first time ever, I feel comfortable in my own skin. _

Will thought about erasing this last paragraph – writing it made him feel so exposed! – but then he realized that to do the assignment justice, he'd need to lay it all out there. And truth be told, it felt good to think about this stuff, and to share it with others. So many people had doubted their relationship – Sonny's mom and Will's dad among them – that each sentence Will wrote felt like a bit of vindication.

As Will re-read his assignment, trying to figure out how to conclude it, he felt Sonny's hand on the back of his neck. "How's it going, sweetie?" Sonny asked.

Will looked over his shoulder at Sonny, and smiled as Sonny leaned forward to kiss him. Twice.

"It's going great. I'm really liking this class, surprisingly," Will replied, his eyes moving from Sonny's lips to Sonny's eyes and back again. "I'm almost done, actually – can you take off soon, come home with me?" he asked hopefully. Sonny tried to decide what to do, feeling torn between wanting to spend time with Will and the work piling up on his desk. Sensing Sonny's indecision, Will pursed his lips a bit, wiggled his eyebrows. Sonny grinned.

"Yeah, sure, happy to. Let me know when you're ready," Sonny replied, smiling as he leaned down for a third kiss, and then a fourth.

Will went back to writing, knowing just what he wanted to say:

_Why is this relationship the most healthy I'm in, and in fact, the most healthy I've __**ever**__ been in? Because I can be myself, warts and all _(Note to classmates and Professor Smith: I mean this proverbially. Please don't picture me full of warts; I am not warty. I do have a few moles but Sonny tells me they're quite sexy). _This relationship feels healthy because Sonny brings out the best version of me, but he also loves me when I am at my worst. He's sexy and kind and perfect, and I can't tell you what a difference he has made in my life. _

_This was hard to write – do I sound like an idiot? You're already thinking I'm a sap, I bet, so I may as well end with this groaner: Before him, life was dark, but now everything is Sonny. The End._

That night, Will let Sonny read the assignment. Sonny laughed, then cried, then laughed some more. Then tackled Will on the couch and kissed him they were both breathless. Who knew homework could be foreplay?

A week later, Will received his paper back: "A+"


	2. Chapter 2

The clock read 3:17 a.m., and Will had been awake for almost an hour, laying quietly next to Sonny in their bed. His "Relationships in Human Development" final was due soon, and while a million thoughts had bounced around his head, he had yet to commit anything to paper. It seemed so overwhelming:

_**FINAL EXAM: **__Throughout this class, we examined different aspects of human relationships and development. For your final, write about the role of vulnerability in relationships. Focus on personal reflection. You will be graded on your own self-assessments and understandings, rather than on your analysis of data or existing literature. Good luck. _

Will couldn't believe the class was already over; he had enjoyed it so much that he had actually added a Human Development minor to his program of study.

He wasn't worried about his grade as much as he was about sharing his feelings, which was still really hard for him. At least only Professor Smith – not the entire class – would read this assignment, which was of some comfort. He got out of bed, sat at the bedroom desk, flicked on the computer, and started writing.

_If you've never been full of self-loathing, _he started, _you probably don't know how bad it can get. You can't know that just to keep surviving, you create artificial and pathetic benchmarks for living, like "I am going to live at least long enough to find out who The Bachelor chooses from his harem," or, "I won't die before I find out who will be America's Next Top Model." Pop culture, with its fits and starts, provides a timeline against which you can commit to living in small, manageable chunks. _

_Yeah, that's how bad it can be._

_When you're at a place that dark, it's so hard to even imagine that things can be better – that it's possible to feel well again. You can kind of remember, in bits and pieces, that things weren't always so bleak, and it gives you a sliver of hope to know you have it within your biology and physiology to feel joy, and love, and hope. Thank god for those shadowy memories, for without them you'd be tempted to think that happiness was only for other people. And you'd probably be right._

_That's what life was like for me before Sonny. _

Will glanced at the bed, where Sonny lay sleeping, curled up in a warm ball and breathing lightly. Watching Sonny, open and soft and beautiful in slumber, was…amazing. A pleasure. An honor. And, ironically, a nightly experience that made Will feel very, _very_ vulnerable.

_If anyone were bored or masochistic enough to want to analyze my history, here's what they would discover: a person who can't seem to make up his own mind, and someone whose bad choices far outnumber the good. You know that "Have You Ever" drinking game, where someone asks a question and you have to down a shot if you've done whatever it is they're asking? Like: Have you ever…shot someone? gotten someone pregnant? lied horribly to someone you love? I'd be awful at that game, blind drunk in minutes. If it's idiotic and ill-thought-out and self-destructive, I've probably done it._

_If you've never been this full of self-loathing, you can't possibly know how vulnerable it feels to be loved. _

Will sniffed. He hated it when he got this way, all pathetic and small. It was something Sonny – and even Professor Smith, actually – kept calling him on. When Will, in a moment of post-coital tenderness, expressed a deep fear of losing Sonny and ended his confession with "I'm sorry I'm so pathetic," Sonny had responded, forcefully, "That is _not _pathetic. That is _human._"

Professor Smith, meanwhile, had written this feedback on a recent assignment: _"Will, I appreciate your candor and openness in your self-assessments. It occurs to me that you're consistently perceiving your feelings as flawed, and I am not sure I agree with you. Please consider alternate possibilities."_

Still, it was hard. Hard to feel so exposed, so deeply in love that it physically hurt to think about losing Sonny. Ever again.

He went back to writing.

_In class we talked the relationship between love and fear, and the idea that you have to let fear go to truly love. But you know what? I am __**full **__of fears. And while I'm working on letting those go, I know that if I wait and wait for love while I fight and fight my fears, I'll be unbearably lonely. _

_So I have to see it differently. Instead of battling it out with Fear, I say,"Hi, Fear. Nice (ok not really) to see you again. Hop on." And then, rather than let Fear stand between me and what I want (Sonny!), I simply shoulder Fear, and I take it with me. _

_Is it ideal? Of course not – I'd much rather not have that dead weight on my back. But at least this way, it's behind me and so it can't stop me from moving forward. _

Will wiped away a tear, impatiently. He was on a roll.

_If you only knew how brave I've been, pursuing Sonny. How my heart broke every time I fucked things up. _

_The day before I first told Sonny that he was wrong – that I did have feelings for him – Fear stood before me, taunting me (why would Sonny want a basketcase like you when he could have Brian?). _

_After Sonny and I separated and he found and read a letter I was too scared to give him, Fear almost brought me to my knees, and I thought I would die of shame. _

_But in the end, both times, I told Fear to get the fuck out of my way and opened my heart to Sonny. I knew I couldn't kill Fear, but I at least I wouldn't let it block my future. Get thee behind me, Fear, or somesuch._

Will heard Sonny stirring in their bed, and looked over to see that Sonny had moved his tousled head to Will's pillow. His heart filled with tenderness when he realized Sonny was smiling in his sleep.

_So I'll be honest: I __**hate **__being so vulnerable. I trust Sonny completely – far more than I trust myself – but knowing that so much of my happiness rests in Sonny's strong hands is so damn __**hard. **_

_Even as I despise my vulnerability, though, I am so thankful to be able to access it. I was so confused, so unhappy, and so __**closed **__for so very long. And it was only because I opened up to this vulnerability that Sonny was able to penetrate my psyche_

Sonny was stirring again, his arm reaching out, seeking Will, feeling only a cold space where Will should be. With a gasp, Sonny's eyes flew open and he sat up abruptly. Took in Will's face in the glow of the computer monitor, saw the wetness on Will's cheeks.

"Will, are you ok?" Sonny asked, worried and kind. "What's going on?"

"Just finishing up my final, sweetie. Sorry I woke you up."

Sonny stretched, rubbed his eyes. "You didn't wake me, babe. The emptiness in your side of the bed did. Why are you sad? Are you almost done? Can you come back to bed now?" Sonny's eyes looked huge in dim room, his brown hair adorably mussed from sleep.

"Yeah, I'll just hit 'save' and I'm done," Will replied, scanning over the assignment a final time. "This was a tough one for me." He saved the document and shut down the computer.

"Can I read it later?" Sonny asked gently.

Will thought for a moment. As vulnerable as he already felt, he knew letting Sonny read his final would only make him feel exponentially more so.

"Sure," he nodded as Sonny lifted the blanket for him and tucked him in, nestling Will's head against his shoulder. "I'd like that."

"Good," Sonny replied, kissing Will's forehead, then eyebrow, then nose, and finally lips as Will tipped up his head. "I love you."

"I love you too," Will replied, and as he deepened the kiss, he could swear he felt a good chunk of fear breaking away from his back, and drying up into the darkness that surrounded them.

The End.


End file.
